The Plotbunny Series
by Dutchman89
Summary: Yes, these are the famous Plotbunny Series from LJ, which I'm finally posting here! For those of you who don't know it, plotbunnies wreak general havoc in the hospital. Main pairing is HxCh, but the plotbunnies go after everyone. Enjoy the madness!
1. Cameron And The Plotbunnies

**Title:** Cameron And The Plotbunnies

**Author: **Slashydutchie

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **Could be seen as House/Chase and Plotbunnies/Cameron, I suppose ;)

**Summary: **Inspired by Nuerin, plotbunny crazy-ness for Cameron!

**Disclaimer: **Nobody owns the plotbunnies… and I don't own House.

**A/N: **This is actually a series that started on LJ, but I'm just going to post it in chapters here. I have it finished up to part nine, plus one honorary part and will probably post weekly or once every two weeks here. Everything will be in here, chaptered, except part 4 which has a higher rating than the others and will still be posted here, but seperately filed as "M". Enjoy!

"I'm not going to do it, you know…" Cameron glanced around to check that no-one would see before aiming a kick at the figment of her imagination. The bunny, in turn, dodged it and sank its teeth into her ankle. "OUCH!" An intern sent her a funny look, but scurried off after receiving a glare of death nobody would ever think Allison capable of. To relieve the pain, the bunny hit her in the shins with its cane. Yes, its cane.

You see, while not many people knew it – except for the ones who read her 'SlashTheCane' blog – Cameron was a writer. Not the novel-type, of course. More the 'two or three pages of which at least one pure slashy smut or fluff' kind. The plotbunny she was currently trying to shake off at every step she took, was House-bunny. It had a cane. It also had the suggestion of stubble, blue eyes and if she ever got the chance to check its belly it probably also had some politically incorrect print there. The worst part had yet to come… it wasn't alone.

Just last night she'd had to indulge Foreman-bunny and Wilson-bunny before having to shake off Cuddy-bunny. Needless to say, she hadn't got much sleep. Cameron's only piece of comfort was the knowledge that Chase and House would be in pretty much the same state. Foreman had managed to bail out of this one and Cameron got sent home because she kept having some sort of violent leg-spasm (She HAD finished 'The Phantom of the Hospital', starring House-In-A-Mask and Wilson-In-A-Dress, just to make Wilson-bunny let go, but she hadn't done it without a fight. Hence the spasms), but Chase and House had pulled an all-nighter on their latest case.

It was only the satisfaction of knowing that they might feel even a little of the misery she was currently in that made her walk quite calmly into the ladies room before savagely trying and eventually succeeding to get rid of the bunny hanging onto her ankle. She also succeeded in making Lisa Cuddy – Yes, nature even called her from time to time – seriously doubt her sanity as she opened the door. She didn't know it, but at that point the House-bunny chose her as its new target. This left Lisa jotting Cameron's crazy behaviour up to some new experiment of the man who had something-on-the-line-between-genius-and-insane as his default state of being and going off in search of another toilet with an imaginary bunny hanging from her butt.

Cameron didn't really take notice and made sure she looked slightly presentable before looking for her colleagues. She found them. House was sitting there, in the comfy chair, asleep. Chase was also asleep, sitting mostly on the floor. His head however, was in House' lap.

The world froze for a second, then all that was heard was Cameron's frightened and outraged scream as two rabid bunnies (one with a cane, one with great hair) attacked.


	2. Cuddy And The Plotbunny

**Title:** Cuddy And The Plotbunny (part 2 of the plotbunny series)

**Author: **Slashydutchie

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **Could be seen as House/Chase and Plotbunny/Cuddy, I suppose ;)

**Summary: **Inspired by Nuerin and KelpOfDoom, plotbunny crazy-ness for Cuddy this time!

**Disclaimer: **Nobody owns the plotbunnies… and I don't own House.

**A/N: **Okay people, R&R! Even if it's just so I know posting these series here has some purpose. Besides that, I always need new ideas and input.

Lisa Cuddy walked through the hospital, a strange spring in her step. This might have something to do with the imaginary House-bunny only Cameron could see hanging from her rear end. It had the power of Narrative Casualty.

It had been this very power that had Cuddy walking into the toilets when and where she did, becoming a target for the plotbunny that had recently been dislodged from Cameron's ankle. It was also the almighty Narrative Casualty that made her hear the other woman's blood-curdling scream. It was just Lisa that made her choose to ignore it as quite possibly some part of the strange kicking-dance-like thing she'd seen in the bathroom. House-bunny grinned, insofar a non-existent bunny with a mouthful of butt could grin.

The product of over-active writer's imaginations was forced to move when Cuddy sat down. Narrative Casualty forced her to sit behind her computer. Cuddy was sure she'd _started _writing a report. What she realised, in mid-sentence, was that reports usually didn't go like this:

'It was clear the patient felt… moved, to say the least when House' cane found its way to his ass, giving it a slight tap that made Chase' breath hitch. With Cameron and Foreman gone, he was alone with the object of his desire… alone, and very naked. "Was this what you wanted, my little wombat?" Blue eyes met'

It wasn't like Cuddy to scream, she just yelped and jumped up, staring in something near absolute horror at the screen. On the desk, House-bunny did a little jig, twirling its cane and shaking plotbunny-booty. Lisa drew in a few shaky breaths before sitting down and staring some more.

The pointer was meant to go for the little red 'X' in the right upper-corner of her screen, honestly. It didn't reach its destination, opting for the tourist route and ending up clicking the little floppy-disc thing somewhere on the left. It also very much wasn't Cuddy's fault she continued to log on to the 'SlashTheCane' blog.

It was all the bunny… the non-existent, imaginary dancing bunny Cuddy was slowly beginning to see.


	3. Foreman And The Plotbunnies

**Title: **Foreman And The Plotbunnies (part 3 of the plotbunny series)

**Author:** Slashydutchie

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **Could be seen as House/Chase, Foreman/House/Chase and Plotbunny/Foreman, I suppose ;)

**Summary: **Inspired by Nuerin, plotbunny crazy-ness for Foreman! Being locked up with the bunnies!

**Disclaimer: **Nobody owns the plotbunnies… and I don't own House.

Foreman was late. It was a rare occurrence, but every now and then it happened. It was also something he desperately wanted to hide. Evading everyone – this included a hysterical Cameron, a sanity-doubting Cuddy, but not the suspiciously absent House and Chase – he made his way towards the lab. He'd just pretend he'd been hard at work in there.

The major flaw in the doctor's plan however, went unnoticed. There were some who knew of it. The fact that these were two semi-imaginary bunnies by now only seen by Allison Cameron and Lisa Cuddy just served to make it worse. The sound of the door closing behind him sounded quite definitive, this had something to do with the Afro-American-labcoatwearer and the Australian-great-haired plotbunnies closing and locking it behind him. It was quite an accomplishment for creatures without opposable thumbs.

"And now… some REAL work," Foreman declared to nobody in particular as he sat down behind one of the computers. Of course, this meant some frustrating minesweeper he really wasn't any good at.

Meanwhile, the bunnies argued (AN: The following will be translated from Plotbunny to English) "Come on, why not?!" Chase bunny sent a pleading look towards Foreman bunny. "You already got House, twice." "So what?! Those were written by women!" The blonde bunny didn't actually mind that, since women were natural slashers, but any argument could win him another C/H fic. "But you had two, so I get one by a man, it's only fair," the black-and-labcoat white bunny countered. "Just ONE more! Please?" The Australian tried puppy eyes, which is really difficult for a bunny. "No. You can have one by Wilson." Chase-bunny looked as if the other had just suggested he'd be slashed up with his father. "Awww! No, not Wilson! He always makes House too cuddly and you know it! Give him to Cameron!"

This discussion went on for a little while, the blissfully unaware Foreman was meanwhile cursing minesweeper and the world in general. Then, he opened the text-editor. This was because neither plotbunny had backed down and there were now two sets of bunny-teeth firmly lodged in his leg.

It wasn't until he'd posted it at SlashTheCane that he realised what he'd done. "I'm doing WHAT with House and Chase?! At the SAME TIME?!" The black doctor looked thoroughly grossed out and ran for the door. It didn't open.

The bunnies high-fived and grinned at the man as he slowly turned, a look of horror crossed his features at the sight of the until recently invisible creatures. With their victim fully at their disposal, the bunnies attacked again. "But… you're bunn… ARGH!"


	4. House And The Plotbunnies 1 of 2

**Title: **House And The Plotbunnies (1/2) (part 5 in the Plotbunny-series)

**Author: **Slashydutchie

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **Could be seen as House/Chase and Plotbunnies/House, I suppose ;)

**Summary: **Inspired by Nuerin, plotbunny crazy-ness for House! They like him!

**Disclaimer: **Nobody owns the plotbunnies… and I don't own House.

**A/N: **For those of you who didn't read it in the beginning, part 4 is posted separately under "M", since it has a higher rating. So you can all be happy if you read that too, because then you'll have two chapters in one week. People, rejoice and R&R.

Gregory House wasn't miserable. You couldn't say he was happy – he rarely did 'happy' – but it was definitely a step up from his general 'My life sucks, so I'm going to make yours suck even worse' state of being. He WAS, however, going to make people miserable today. He'd just had some tremendous sex with Chase and giving others a hard time would really be the cherry on top of the poisonous cake.

Once his lover had left the office to check up on some patients, the doctor tossed his ball at a point in the wall that really didn't seem to be any different from the rest of it. He proceeded to duck behind his desk, barely managing to avoid being bit by a pair of false plotbunny-teeth flying through the air. "That really isn't necessary, you know…" The white/blonde Chase-bunny merely looked at him. "But it IS fun to see me duck, eh?" The little imaginary animal grinned at him. House sighed and followed it down the rabbit hole. (AN: actually, he followed it down an elaborate network of tunnels with various beautiful decorations only the REALLY evil and high-ranking plotbunnies could make mere humans achieve and forget. But this sounded a lot better, didn't it?)

The diagnostician didn't have any illusions, nobody OWNED plotbunnies. Those little critters were – a lot like House himself – at war on some level with the world in general. What he had with them was more a kind of… truce. They didn't bite him – not much, anyway – and he provided extra information and victims for their eager teeth on a daily basis. The only really annoying thing was that he'd walked this route over a hundred times now and he STILL couldn't find the way on his own… and he knew it had something to do with the slight nibbling on his ankle in the dead of night. Even Chase wouldn't deny doing something for that long unless he really was innocent.

When the Australian bunny cowered and stopped dead in its tracks, Gregory knew he'd reached his destination. "Good bunny. Here you go." He tossed the great-haired little thing a pair of his human version's underpants and watched it run off with the thing before he knocked at the overly large door.

"Enter!"

House limped into the room. It was huge. There were screens everywhere, some merely showed a picture, some artwork or text, others were Work In Progress and thus incomplete. There were other things people were working on right now, taking shape as he watched. There were also a lot of filing cabinets and bunnies were running around with miniature versions of artworks and piles of paper. All in all, it had the look of a command centre. In the middle of it, surrounded by computers, files and miniatures was the Supreme Plotbunny. It looked like a sort of House-bunny in a military uniform and a monocle. It also looked like a bunny-shaped Writer's Hell.

(AN: It never became clear whether House speaks Plotbunny or if the high-ranking bunny speaks English. So don't bother yourself trying to find out)

"Ah, doctor House, my friend!" Gregory smiled and nodded at his 'furry friend' "Professor Von Plotbunny," he greeted. "Yes, yes, careful on the 'von', dear doctor." House nodded and sat down on a cleared spot. The Professor had the filing method of the nearest flat available surface. "Is today a good day?" The bunny checked some papers. "Ah, yes, especially in this hospital!" The little thing grew a moustache just so he could twirl it.

House grinned. "Tell me."


	5. House And The Plotbunnies 2 of 2

Title: House And The Plotbunnies (2/2) (part 6 in the Plotbunny-series) 

**Author: **Slashydutchie

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **Could be seen as House/Chase and Plotbunnies/House, I suppose ;)

**Summary: **Inspired by Nuerin, plotbunny crazy-ness for House! They like him! Now part 2!

**Disclaimer: **Nobody owns the plotbunnies… and I don't own House.

"Is today a good day?" The bunny checked some papers. "Ah, yes, especially in this hospital!" The little thing grew a moustache just so he could twirl it.

_House grinned. "Tell me."_

Professor von Plotbunny produced a screen out of nowhere, almost causing House to squeal out of sheer happiness. There were pictures!

"First of all, there's lady Cameron. Always good for a nibble or two, but today…" The bunny flicked a switch and Gregory grinned as a picture of Cameron trying to shake a plotbunny from her leg appeared on the screen. These were quickly followed by ones of Cuddy catching her and the full-fletched attack of Chase- and House-bunny near the office. "Hah! That'll teach her to 'Slash The Cane'!" The imaginary animal shook its head. "We prefer 'inspire', doctor House."

"Now, next is your… boss, isn't she? Miss Cuddy." Right now, the diagnostician felt like doing a little jig himself, much like the House-bunny who's picture was currently appearing on the screen. "You got Cuddy!" He was simply too happy about it to worry about the boss-thing. "Yes, we had an easy target." The picture of one of his 'furry friends' hanging from Lisa's butt nearly left Greg under the desk. Even the professor couldn't hide his smugness about it. Then again, why would he? He was still a plotbunny, after all.

"More! More!" House urged, grinning like the madman he could be. The bickering Chase- and Foreman-bunnies were shown. "Your colleague Foreman was in the vicinity of a computer… of course, this was a chance we couldn't miss." Next was the image of the bunnies locking the door. "Of course you couldn't!" Gregory himself wouldn't want to miss it for the world.

"As a special present for you, doctor House, we have a little movie." The high-ranking bunny enjoyed his human companion's eager gaze as the film of the black doctor and the two bunnies began to play. _"But… you're bunn… ARGH!" _DID leave House under the desk, roaring with laughter. Professor von Plotbunny gave him a few moments before signalling his minions. "You know what to do." Five minutes later, with the help of a substantial number of bunnies, various bunny-sized lifting devices and his cane, the doctor was upright again, whipping tears from his eyes. It rarely happened he saw something amusing enough to do that, but when he did, it was nearly always with the plotbunnies. "And some people call ME a genius…"

"Don't worry, mister House. Every great man has an even better bunny hanging from him." The professor grinned. "But on with the show. Your protection doesn't extent to mister Chase, after all." Gregory nodded, eager to know what they'd done to his lover, and watched the screen. "Wow, a direct crotch hit… I'm impressed." It also explained a lot.

"Glad you are, dear doctor. But that's all for today. More pressing manners, tomorrow is Halloween… time for your part of the deal. Your plan?" House grinned. "Think Phantom of the Opera and Rocky Horror Picture Show." Professor von Plotbunny did a little jig. "VERY GOOD!"

A/N: Yup, that's the next story ;)


	6. Plotbunny Halloween Madness Prologue13

**Title:** Plotbunny Halloween Madness Prologue (1/3?) (part 7 in the Plotbunny-series)

**Author: **Slashydutchie

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **Could be seen as House/Chase and Plotbunnies/everyone, I suppose ;) The plotbunnies are in control… so there could be everyone/anyone too.

**Summary: **Inspired by Nuerin, plotbunny crazy-ness in the entire hospital! In the words of our favourite doctor: "Think Phantom of the Opera and Rocky Horror Picture Show."

**Disclaimer: **Nobody owns the plotbunnies… and I don't own House.

**A/N: **Yes, thanks to my business lately this has gone un-updated for a little while. So, now you''ve got two parts to read!

Professor von Plotbunny was watching the many screens in Plotbunny-HQ. The plan doctor House and himself had created was coming along splendidly, it had only taken a few nibbles and some real bites to make things work. It had also been disturbingly easy (even by plotbunny standards) to get Wilson to wear a dress. House meanwhile, was watching his colleagues in real-life. The hospital Halloween-party was truly a treasure, especially after a few drinks. If Gregory hadn't liked arguing so much, he could've blackmailed anyone into anything using the pictures.

This year's theme was Phantom before midnight, Rocky Horror after.

Wilson, as said, was wearing a dress. Nobody was quite sure why, but he'd mumbled something about not fitting into his tutu and they'd left it at that. Sometimes it was, even for House, best not to figure things out.

Cuddy came in as La Carlotta from the movie-version of the musical. She appeared to have an inflatable sheep stuck to her head and was constantly fighting with various zippers and closing-mechanisms that kept her huge dress in place.

Cameron had obviously made an effort to look like Christine, but had only succeeded in looking like herself in old slippers and a nightgown. She also managed to turn several unlucky victims temporarily deaf by demonstrating just how high a note she could reach.

Foreman had walked in looking like… well, Foreman. He'd had a long argument that ended with House supergluing a large white moustache to his face, sticking a hat on him and calling the black doctor André/Firmin. It wasn't like anyone ever knew the difference between those two.

Chase looked, in Gregory's not so humble opinion, great. He'd pounced on the chance to come as Raoul during the final scenes. Open shirt and general hotness ahoy! It would be a lot better if he didn't insist on breaking out in songs with Cameron, though. And House was also quite sure the musical vicomte didn't wear quite such colourful shirts.

Finally, House himself had opted for the cape and mask combination. To keep in style, he'd used the same superglue he'd used on Foreman to stick a skull he'd nicked from one of the 'take this apart and lose the small parts while trying to get it back together' skeletons to an old cane. He also chose to ignore any comments about how much the miserable genius fitted.

As things were, they were all watching each other and commenting on the costumes of the other members of the hospital staff. Five of their party of six were also ignoring the other's questions of how he'd look in various dresses.

"Doctor House? Can you hear me?" Professor von Plotbunny sounded quite excited, even through the tiny earpiece. Gregory merely nodded, he knew the plotbunny would see it thanks to one of his many spycams. "Things look good so far…" House rolled his eyes and took some distance from the others under the pretence of refilling his glass. "Oh, yes… I'm stuck here with a candidate for dragqueen of the year, a deranged shepherdess, a woman in her nighty, the black Albert Einstein and well… just look at Chase!" A nurse from the psychiatric ward shot him a funny look, but then decided she was off-duty and could afford to ignore the man speaking to the punch.

"That's what I said," the bunny replied. "Excellent."


	7. Plotbunny Halloween Madness 2 of 3

Title: Plotbunny Halloween Madness (2/3?) (Part 8 in the Plotbunny-series) 

**Author: **Slashydutchie

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **Could be seen as House/Chase and Plotbunnies/everyone, I suppose ;) The plotbunnies are in control… so there could be everyone/anyone too.

**Summary: **Inspired by Nuerin, plotbunny crazy-ness in the entire hospital! In the words of our favourite doctor: "Think Phantom of the Opera and Rocky Horror Picture Show."

**Disclaimer: **Nobody owns the plotbunnies… and I don't own House.

"_Oh, yes… I'm stuck here with a candidate for dragqueen of the year, a deranged shepherdess, a woman in her nighty, the black Albert Einstein and well… just look at Chase!" A nurse from the psychiatric ward shot him a funny look, but then decided she was off-duty and could afford to ignore the man speaking to the punch._

"_That's what I said," the bunny replied. "Excellent."_

The professor hopped over to another part of his command centre and another microphone. "General Stampy?" It took a little while before a gruff, but bunny-esk voice responded. "Don't call me Stampy, it's Stampede." The bunny-in-charge grinned its evil little grin. "Now, now, Stampy… no need for that tone. Is everyone in position?" General Stamp…ede shot a look at his sniggering troops, they didn't bother to stop. After all, they were plotbunnies, they knew no shame. "Stampede. It would appear so, professor." There was a sound from the other side very much like a bunny thumping its paw on the floor in excitement. "Good, Stampy! Good! Now, wait for Dr. House' signal at midnight. Von Plotbunny out." Ever so subtly, the general developed a twitch near his left eye.

The party was proceeding best that it could. Cameron was sulking in a corner, rubbing her side. Gregory was gloating and polishing his cane, it had been a good cane and helped him stop Cameron from trying to hit the high note in 'Think Of Me' for the fourth time in a row. Foreman kept yelping as he tried and failed to rid himself of the moustache firmly stuck to his upper lip. By hospital-standards, it was a good party.

Someone nudged House, it turned out to be Chase who was quite hysterical in his giggles and nearly-suppressed laughter. Gregory put on his pleasant face, this could prove to be amusing… "What is it love?" The younger man tried to talk, but only managed a bark of laughter. A few tears rolled down his cheeks before he tried again, waving his hand towards Cuddy. It appeared this would become a game of charades. "It's about Cuddy, yes?" The blonde nodded. "Good, what part of Cuddy is it you find amusing?" Once again, it took the Australian doctor some time to find a response that didn't including strange noises. "Her…" He waved his hand above his head. "Sh… ssh…" "He sheep?" Once again, a nod. "And what's so amusing about the sheep?" Chase gathered his breath. "Strategically Placed Holes!" This earned a raised eyebrow and a chuckle from Gregory. He finally knew what the sign would be.

The plotbunny army got into position, three minutes to midnight.

"What're you up to?" Cameron demanded as House limped past her. "As usual, more than you could possibly fathom." The woman rolled her eyes. "Your grin shows something worse than usual." Gregory did his best 'innocent'-face. "No it doesn't." At this point, Allison proved her intelligence and simply walked away.

"Two more minutes," the plotbunny never to be known as 'Stampy' announced to his troops.

Lisa Cuddy looked up at the advancing diagnostician. "Ah, Dr. House. Enjoying the party?" The grin reappeared on Greg's face and made his boss very worried indeed. "Very much so…" He eyed the sheep and took careful aim.

"One to midnight, get ready to charge the moment you see the sign!" Professor von Plotbunny announced through his microphone while watching the show on several monitors.

"House… why are you looking at me like that?" Gregory struck and hit his target in its intended place, waving it about and making both Cuddy and Wilson scream.

"SHEEP ON A STICK! SHEEP ON A STICK! CHARGE!!!" The plotbunny mastermind ordered, hopping up and down and still managing to thump its paw on the floor. Suddenly, the room was full of plotbunnies.


	8. Plotbunny Halloween Madness 3 of 3

**Title:** Plotbunny Halloween Madness (3/3) (Part 9 in the Plotbunny-series)

**Author: **Slashydutchie

**Rating: **PG-13

**Pairing: **Could be seen as House/Chase and Plotbunnies/everyone, I suppose ;) The plotbunnies are in control… so there could be everyone/anyone too.

**Summary: **Inspired by Nuerin, plotbunny crazy-ness in the entire hospital! In the words of our favourite doctor: "Think Phantom of the Opera and Rocky Horror Picture Show." Yes, they're back! The bunnies personally dragged my muse back and therefore I bring them offerings.

**Disclaimer: **Nobody owns the plotbunnies… and I don't own House.

**A/N: **Sorry I didn't post in so long, got busy, then sick, then sick and busy and so on...

"_House… why are you looking at me like that?" Gregory struck and hit his target in its intended place, waving it about and making both Cuddy and Wilson scream._

"SHEEP ON A STICK! SHEEP ON A STICK! CHARGE!!!" The plotbunny mastermind ordered, hopping up and down and still managing to thump its paw on the floor. Suddenly, the room was full of plotbunnies.

Practised teeth sank into various limbs of various people, causing them to scream. Nobody, however, was as loud as Cameron. "Oh my God! What are the plotbunnies doing here?!" Various colleagues shot her a look. "You can see them too?!" Foreman almost sounded relieved and stopped attempting to shake a Chase-bunny from his arm for a moment. He'd been quite sure he'd gone insane, seeing bunnies, but if Cameron could see them too… well, he was probably still losing his mind, but at least he wasn't the only one.

"Of course I can see them! I've been seeing the damn things ever since I started my blog!" Upon being called a 'damn thing', a very small Wilson-bunny used plotbunny eyes on her (this is by far one of the most feared looks in every universe, much cuter than puppies and adorable yet dangerous enough to make Puss In Boots from Shrek 2 cry in shame). "Awww… I didn't mean it like that, lovey… here, have a nibble…" Cameron foolishly picked him up and offered the furry thing her finger. The bunny sank its teeth in it and Foreman was left staring after Allison as she made a sprint for her laptop.

For a moment Wilson had thought House was unaffected, but the feared doctor was currently in the process of unwrapping Chase. (AN: House hadn't been bitten, but that was no reason whatsoever for him to miss out on all the fun) A bite in the ass reminded James that was HIS job, so he ripped off his dress and ran at the two in full drag, screaming in a way Tim Curry hadn't managed while chasing his Rocky.

In the meantime Lisa Cuddy had backed up against the wall, watching the bunny in front of her with a look of pure horror on her face. "You again?!" The bunny did the same little jig it had done on top of her monitor and took a bow. Years working with House had taught Lisa to fight, to stand her ground… she'd also learned that sometimes there was no choice but to give up. "Gimme a moment." She took off her large gown, revealing a French Maid's uniform underneath. The bunny seemed pleased and was satisfied just to have a little nibble. After all, it had already worked its main magic.

Chase was still being… well, chased. Who knew Wilson could run THAT fast in a corset? His motions were almost like he did it all the time. Wait… it was probably best not to go there. "Quick, Chase, back in the closet!" House declared, limping at top speed and dragging his wombat towards the broom closet.

It was small, they were pressed together and there were broom handles poking them, but when they heard the click-clack of Wilson's high heels run past the door while their owner was still yelling "Roooohooocky!!!" at the top of his voice, Gregory and Robert couldn't imagine a happier place to be. That is, until Chase noticed something.

"Greg… why is there an inflatable sheep on your cane?"

AN: Okay, so I'm in need of some extra bunny muses and prompts. If you have an idea, even the tiniest of ideas or just an anecdote that might plant a seed of inspiration, please do share. Heck, post anyway, just so I know people are still reading the series. ;)


	9. Last Action… Doctor!

**Title: **Last Action… Doctor?! (Part 10 of the Plotbunny series written especially for Azilver)**  
Author: **Slashydutchie**  
Rating: **PG-13**  
Pairing: **House/Chase**  
Genre: **Humor, Parody, little romance… all the good stuff.****

Summary: For Azilver. Chouse ficswap challenge. Since my computer died and I probably won't see it again until after Christmas, I first tried to rewrite the fic. Failed. So here's a new one, more insane than the first. It has Plotbunnies taking the hospital hostage and Actionhero!Chase. It also features Die Hard reverences… Yes, I tried to write three fics at the same time. This came out. ;)****

Disclaimer: I only own the parts I made up unless someone else made them up first.****

Spoilers: You already know who the people in the story are? Good, then nothing will be spoiled. I'm bad at spoiling… yes, you can do the happy-dance now. There will be reverences to stuff, though… but you'll probably only notice if you've already seen/read it.  
****

**Last Action… Doctor?!****  
**

It had been an ordinary Christmas day, nothing strange about it. Cuddy had gone banana's at House for something he had or hadn't done, House had amused himself by bouncing his big tennis ball on the heads of his ducklings and Cameron, Foreman and Chase had written each other prescriptions for something against the headache the man had so graciously given them.

The day was perfectly normal… until it all went wrong.

insert ominous music here

A black van drove towards PPTH, slowly making its way through the snow… or rather the sludge that had been snow until many other cars had gone there. It might have been a Mercedes once… maybe a VolksWagen, something German in any case… probably… oh well, it doesn't matter. Now, the emblems had been replaced by one of a stylised bunny and the sides said 'PB Inc'

At the same time, many of the employees were leaving the hospital. All except the diagnosticians wing, they still had a party… (AN: The others were still slightly traumatised by the events of the Halloween party, even though they couldn't quite remember what had happened) It was the standard kind of Christmas party… tinsel, fake snow, Christmas tree… Cameron and Cuddy in beautiful dresses, Foreman in a suit he'd only put on to avoid their disapproving glares… Chase looking splendid in his suit, House grinning at random people both to creep them out and because of what Chase had promised to do if he behaved…

"Well, you're acting like a true Ebenezer Scrooge after the visit of three spirits, House!" Oh damn… dun, dun, dun... DUN! It was Wilson. In a dress. AGAIN. "Nope, just something about a promise, Chase and a broomcloset, Tootsie." At this, Wilson looked ready to burst into tears. "I can't help it! This writer always puts me in a dress! Blame her! She just hates me because I'm useless unless I can be useful to the plot by doing something the writers can't make others do! I have no personality!"

(AN: checks off "humiliate Wilson and cause breakdown" Number 33… make Wilson suffer some more… okay.)

"James… you've always been a good friend… actually, you were lousy at times, but that was because the writers couldn't think of someone else to act in a lousy way… anyway, you've obviously lost it. Nurse!" And that, dears, was the short version of the soon to be famous story of 'How James Wilson ended up in cuddling-therapy with man-eating animals'.

'Twas the Christmas party and during House  
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse

Bunnies, on the other hand were busy taking out security guards and generally taking over the hospital.

(AN: These were a different gang of plotbunnies than Professor von Plotbunny's bunch, thus these guys are NOT Gregory's allies)

"Where's Wilson?"  
"Therapy… of sorts."  
"About time."

This was pretty much the conversation going on between Cameron and House (if you leave out all the boring bits about Cameron actually caring) before the latter noticed the light of his life, his sweetheart, his favourite little Christmas present… okay, so he saw Chase entering. Stop glaring, I was just trying to be romantic about it… geez.

"I see you're behaving very well… not even taunting Wilson?" the Australian doctor grinned at his lover before kissing him and adding a bit of tongue. He knew how Gregory liked the way it tended to upset people or at the very least made them uncomfortable. House put on his best innocent face. "No…"

"…I have now, thanks to a helpful author, obtained people to do that," added the evil little voice in his head so many people speculated about. It sounded a bit like Robert Shaw did when he played Red Grant in From Russia With Love, actually.

"Good… in that case I have a very special surprise for you in the broom closet. Meet me there in ten minutes." Another kiss and Robert had gone to put a nice red bow in the right naughty place. Gregory was left doing various internal jigs and victory dances… he had an amazingly flexible mind.

"Everything is ready for your big entrance to the party, Hans," a blonde bunny told its leader. The leader was in no possible way a cute little wabbit.

"Good," the surprisingly big plotbunny replied in a voice that sounded exactly like Alan Rickman. Sometimes, after a few too many musejuices, he'd boast about biting the man with it himself. "Go."

That word was all it took for a bunch of plotbunnies to close off every entrance and exit to the room in which the party was held, biting various people and causing panic in the process. A very sophisticated cough, however, made the crowd quiet down almost immediately. Hans looked down into his little book and began what would have been his big speech, were it not for the following:

"I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses ... I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death - if you aren't as big a bund of thunderheads as I usually have to teach." He actually finished the entire thing before glaring at the bunny next to him, it was giggling nervously and shuffling its little paws on the floor. "Sorry, boss… I just really like it when you…" At this point, Hans knocked him out with the little book.

"Anyway… we're in charge. We've brought laptops and we will make you… WRITE!" He started laughing like a maniac, but was interrupted by Cuddy.

"Write? What kind of terrorists are you?!" Hans grinned his bunny-teethed little grin. "Who said we were terrorists?"

Through all this, Chase, our hero, was in the broomcupboard, waiting for his lover. After exactly ten minutes, he struck a pose… nothing happened. That was unusual, Gregory was always right on time when it came to sex.

Our hero quickly redressed and sneaked a glance… he caught sight of fur and slammed the door shut again while attempting to steel his nerves. Fur… tiny fluffy tails… PLOTBUNNIES! But… that was okay, wasn't it? The prof wouldn't hurt House. That in mind, our hero sneaked down the corner and carefully peeked into the room.

"DO IT!" The largest bunny barked at Gregory, while others bit him. In front of the cripple was a laptop and his cane was nowhere to be seen. "Fine… 'to Azilver'…"

Oh God… these weren't Von Plotbunnies guys! And they seemed to be targeting House! Making him write dedicated fics and biting him… right in the crotch! Our hero knew he had to take action and the only way to do that was to draw attention to himself. He ran for Cameron's computer, selected each and every text file on the damn thing and started printing.

Right now, her slash obsession was Chase's little Christmas miracle.

After about fifteen minutes our hero knew he couldn't wait any longer. A search of his pockets had turned up a lot of loose change, a rubber band and the lighter he'd recently pulled out of a patient. It was shaped like a horse and he'd been hanging onto it for the 'strangest object of the month'. Remarkably enough, it still worked. All this didn't add up to much, but it was all he had, so it would have to do.

Our hero folded half of the already printed documents and stuffed them into various pockets, using the rubber band to bind together the other papers. In true James Bond style he crept back towards the 'party', where Hans was busy with a rather long monologue. Once he was within smelling distance, our hero set fire to the roll of paper in his hand and was greeted by screams of agony.

"Someone is destroying good slash!"

Our hero grinned and jumped into sight. "Come and get it, furballs!" Intelligent as they might be, plotbunnies couldn't escape their instincts. They began to chase Chase up the stairs, while our hero held up the suspiciously-coloured-flame torch (thank you, recycling) and made his way towards the roof.

He'd made it all this way… and now our hero was in trouble. There was no more roof left and he'd been closed in by the entire army of potbunnies. "It's too late to save these… but I have more…"

Our hero dropped the smouldering remains of the roll of fiction and took the other half out of his pocket while the plotbunnies set their greedy eyes on it. He set fire to those papers as well. "Go and get it!" With that, our magnificent hero threw the burning papers over the edge, giving the bunnies no choice but to jump after it.

And that's how Chase saved Chrismas.

Oh yes, I almost forgot… Gregory was VERY grateful and showed it all night long. After all, the hero always gets the moody cripple.

Merry Christmas.

Reality

"Chase! What are you doing behind Cameron's laptop?!" House was suspicious of this, mainly because the Australian doctor was grinning. "Nothing love! Er.. boss, House… yeah… bye!"

And thus it was a very red Chase who stormed out of the office and a very happy House who read the fic and made plans for the broomcloset.

**A/N: **I put this one on ff dot net extra fast so IzBella91's Will & Grace bunny army won't come after me. Reviews are still welcome! Don't worry, I've still got some parts of this series in reserve even though I'm not writing it right now, too busy with my latest Gruber/OMC 'Allo, 'Allo bunnies.


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